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Remember the slam dunk I scored on Costco getting the new iPod for –$50? Well, Costco got me back pretty good on Christmas. I kind of forgot until just a few days before about my birthday. I mentioned it, and my family, who apparently also forgot, figured we would get a birthday cake for the big family gathering/dinner. It would just be another dessert on top of the ridiculous pile of Christmas cookies and cakes we already had begun accumulating. We were going to get a Costco cake, so I told my parents to just get something funny, like a clown or Ninja Turtles cake or something.

So Christmas dinner comes and ends, and the cake comes out. I haven’t seen it yet, but I got a good surprise when this gets put in front of me:

So there you have it, my gayest birthday cake ever, and that includes the Sesame Street cake I had when I turned 4.

Apparently when I said “get something funny” they figured a rainbow would be good. I think my mom didn’t realize that a rainbow could have some other meaning. My dad was either being a jerk or didn’t realize it either. Well, it was funny, but in a different way. Haha. My cousins and everyone got a good laugh out of it. I kind of wish that they would have chosen the “umbrella” or “cross*” that were some of the other options on the order form.

Also, I don’t know if you can tell, but the part of the cake with the lettering was also drooping. So Costco must have been still bitter about giving me the new iPod, and retaliated by giving me a lopsided gay cake. I guess it tasted good though. So take that Costco!

*My brother said that if we had the cross cake, we could have drawn me hanging on the cross. Real P.C., hahaha.

I forgot to post this before, but it’s from my visit to LA in October. I was driving around with Joey and Kyle, maybe near Beverly Hills, and we saw this dude walking on the sidewalk. Judging by his gear, he may very well be the King of All Hobos. But he’s dressed like a normal guy. It’s this contradiction that makes it all the more ridiculous.

Click on the image below to see the full picture.

I’ll bet you weren’t expecting that. I know I wasn’t.

I saw this at the drug store today and seriously, this must be the best dish towel on the planet, endorsed by a smiling Iron Chef Sakai. You could polish pears, make some lobsters, take your chained glasses off, and then put them back on!

As I am blessed with such natural beauty, I must admit I’m not really up to date on modern Japanese beauty care products. However, I saw this one in the Kaihim Makuhari Carrefour that just made me laugh and worry about the future of the planet at the same time. Behold:

Your guess is as good as mine. Well, I suppose I actually looked at the product long enough to snap a picture so maybe my guess is actually better than yours. From what I gather, these KOGAO masks are for people to wear and shrink their faces. Why shrink your face? Because then of course you will be more beautiful, you fathead. I suppose this could maybe possibly perhaps work, but come on. I’m sure results aren’t dramatic. Also note that these aren’t only for womenfolk; the gray one on the far right is for men. I imagine this is something so ridiculous you could only find in Japan.

Here’s a closeup of the pink sauna mask. It’s okay to be scared.

There’s this site called MyHeritage which lets you upload a photo of yourself, and it will then generate a list of celebrities who are supposedly close matches to your face. I decided to give it a shot, but the results are less than convincing:

The celebrities around my picture are the Top 8 celebrities who the system matched my face with. Note that there is 1 Korean, 1 Malaysian, 4 black guys, 1 white guy, and a hot chick.

This system is obviously still in beta, although it was interesting to play with. I tried a few different photos, each yielding a different set of celebrities who are supposed to look like me. For some reason Terrance Howard almost always showed up. Other celebrities I saw were Tony Blair, Xiang Ziyi, Snoop Dogg, and Judi Dench.

My younger brother Joe is so retarded. He’s trying to learn Photoshop, and apparently thinks this, one of his first attempts, is the greatest thing ever:

I’ll admit it’s funny, but he has a long way to go before he is of my level. He didn’t even put an apostrophe! Foooooo!

Note: I’m not gay, don’t think this is some kind of announcement.